Positive Singles Dating

It seems so long ago I met my wife at Positivesingles.com.  We were chat regulars.  Positivesingles was so different then.  It was just a matter of challenging each other, you know, the give and take, the push and pull, you do in verbal engagements.  Mostly we just had fun.  She tested me every step of the way.  Never saw her picture.  She saw mine.  In fact, she said, Hello, first.

 

I was new to postivesingles then.  She was someone who knew me in person (my disadvantage) and never let on she did.  Oh, she strung me along for the longest time, pulling me in a little at a time.  Sometimes she’d reel me in hard, then suddenly let the line go slack.  I swim around in chat wondering what the hell just happened?

 

She got to know a lot more of me than I would ever have revealed in person.  Strange how that works here in chat.  I got to know her, too.  Eventually, time slipped away.  We started leveling with one another and became as much a friend as you can with someone online.

 

I thought we were stuck in the friend zone, but it was okay.  She was fun to talk with.  One evening she asked me if I thought she was sexy enough online to find out whether she was the same in person.  Naturally I stood up straight in my chair.  Of course, I said, Yes.  So we arranged to meet.  We made a date.  We agreed if either one of us felt suddenly out of sorts, if anything felt wrong, either one could pull the plug.

 

So we arranged to met.  She was at a school getting something extra for her chosen field, medicine.  We arranged for a hotel room, a nice suite in a cushy hotel.  I mean California King, jacuzzi, and everything down to roses, champagne, and food.  I mean the bathroom had a bidet.  You don’t see those often outside Europe.

 

I drove.  My truck at the time was a 2500HD and I was still smarting from all my back injuries even though you never could tell outwardly.  I had a bunch of free perks off my credit cards so I used them to rent a big red Caddy DeVille.  I, at least, got to my destination without being in pain.  I’m glad I got the car, too.  My truck would have beat my back to death and I might not have made it.  I got there finally and she was registered to the suite so she met me at the door.  She was leaning against the jam, with that big, beautiful smile I remember so well.  She was one of my anesthesiologists, one of my pain management specialists.  The one who, after giving me an epidural steroid injection, would slap my butt cheek.  Like, OW!

 

I’ll describe her to you.  Military medical officer at the time, Swedish decent, tall, athletic, buxom, blue eyes and platinum blonde hair.  A sight for sore eyes.  Mmm.  Mmm.  God, she was beautiful, and not just on the outside.

 

You can imagine what happened with some drinks, some food, music, and a jacuzzi full of bubble bath.  I think we filled the entire room up with bubbles.  We didn’t get much sleep.  I outranked her but I saluted her anyway, if you get my drift.  I mean we were already like old friends because WE HAD BEEN HONEST WITH ONE ANOTHER throughout our online relationship, other than she didn’t let on she knew me.  Please take note of the difference.

 

Over time we were apart again.  She’d been reassigned once she returned to duty.  Only a few hours drive less now.  We kept talking online.  I was emotionally honest with her and she with me.  She was a true friend.  One day I told her if she asked me to marry her I’d say, Yes, but she had to do it in person and ask me on bent knee with a simple gold ring.  I even had my finger measured to be sure I gave her the right size.  So we arrange to meet again.

 

Reunions with someone you care about are great, both emotionally and physically.  We just got to know one another again after a spell.  She took time off and so did I.  While walking around the campus we were feeding those weird black squirrels some sunflower seeds I had on me.  Lots of people around.  She got down on one knee and tore her pantyhose, but she proposed and I said, Yes.  Got lots of looks, but everyone clapped and hooted and we all smiled.  And, we kissed like we always did from that moment on: passionately, hungrily, and lovingly.

 

We got married.  A small ceremony with just close friends.  No family except what we just became, our own family.  Before you know it she’s pregnant and I’m learning all about C-sections again albeit from a different perspective.  She delivered a beautiful little fella, my son.  God I was a Father!  I was the first person he ever saw when he opened his eyes.  He smiled at me.  Sorta made his Mom jealous in ways knowing he was drawn to me more than her, say if he was hurt or scared, he’d come to me when it came down to a choice.

 

We lived together many years.  Oh, it wasn’t picture perfect all the time.  We had our ups and downs, kissed and made up, just like any married couple who knew each other too well.  We had our buttons down pat.  But we never once stopped loving one another.

 

She had to work around radiological equipment all the time.  I sort of blame it on that.  She was diagnosed late with a very vicious form of cancer.  It invaded her spine, breasts, neck and finally her brain.  She has an identical twin sister.  Married a lot of money.  There was a lot of drama to add insult to injury with her memory.  I can understand now, as a twin like that she couldn’t bring herself to let the other half of her be taken off life support.  Technically, she died months before we finally got to bury her.  It was only when our son started showing the adverse effects that she stopped all the legal nonsense.  We don’t talk much anymore even though I do count her Father as a friend.  I even call him, Dad.

 

I have to collect myself.  Yes, you can find a love of a lifetime here.  But life is life.  Death is part and parcel of the package.  Sometimes it just comes way too soon, when you’re never ready for it.

 

It was her instructions to our family lawyers that one day last year I was handed a large envelope.  There was a DVD, a handwritten letter, along with some other papers.  She’d done up a PayPal account to pay for membership here for me.  She said if it could happen once it could happen again.

The note said she knew I would crawl into that god awful dark place I visited so much while we were together.  She put up with it all.  She let me down gently.  She thought if I indulged my people side I would go back to being the guy she fell in love with years ago.  Truth be told it did work.  I actually think I became a better man for it.  I don’t recommend it though.  The cost of some things to be learned in life are mighty steep.

i know my story sucks, but it’s what I got to live with.  And, I have a beautiful little boy with his Mother’s eyes.  He’s kind, he’s smarter than me, and all boy.  For awhile now, he’s all I had between me and eating a bullet.  I’m glad now I never pulled that trigger.  I’ve died too many times to be afraid of death.  I know the secret – we never really ever die.  That doesn’t mean you should take your own life.

Life.  It’s all about living your life the best you can with others is why we’re here in this short and miserable existence.  Oh, it’s not entirely miserable.  There were such highs of beauty and joy I never knew a man could experience.  Let me tell you this: don’t be afraid to make the one you want, the one you’re searching for, your best friend, first.  You’ll have all the sex in the world later and it will fill your soul with pure joy.

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